So I Don’t Want to Self Diagnosis

 

I really think I have some mild form of OCD.

Now I don’t want to be one of those annoying people that tries to self diagnosis themselves after checking their symptoms on WebMD.  Being bipolar I hate those people.  Someone reads mood changes and suddenly they think they need to see a psychiatrist.  If we all went by the internet we’d all have some kind of mental illness.

Not to offend any of you guys who really do have OCD but I really do think I might have it.

A few months back I went to a clinic in Dallas that did extensive testing.  They did written personality tests, stress response tests, and a brain map.  The brain map was interesting.  From what they saw in my brain waves they concluded that A) I was smart, B) that I had a mood disorder, and C) that I had a “little bit” of OCD.

I found that quite interesting so I decided to look into it.

I found some information that sounded really familiar.

• I’ve had instances where I hit some minor bump in the road, specifically at night, and am terrified that I hit someone.  Now this doesn’t happen often but it does happen.
• I become extremely aware of my body.  Swallowing and salivating is one that I’ve had issues with over the years.  I have a hard time sleeping because I can’t stop.  Recently I’ve began to focus on my heart beat.  I start to think that if I stop thinking about it it will stop.
• I just become obsessed with things.  Running is one.  Books on mental illnesses.  I read all of them recently when I was depressed.  One after another.  I couldn’t stop.  I read them all until there wasn’t any more, which then caused me extreme stress.  After that I became really focused on movies depicting wars.  I’d scour DirectTV or Netflix in search another one.  Again, instant anxiety when there wasn’t one on.
• Right now for example I’m having a hard time writing this.  I write one sentence and decide its no good.  Delete and rewrite.  Before this I was reading for school.  I kept having to reread sentences because I felt I didn’t really take in the information.
• I’ve had the violent thoughts.  Lately I’ve been having this extreme fear of driving on those high flyovers.  I have these visions and urges to slam my car into the wall.  I also get those urges to drive head first into a passing car.  They make me grip my steering wheel harder.
• The disgusting part?  I’ve had the weird dirty thoughts about family members.  About my brother, my dad, and my cousins.  They disgust me and I cannot figure out why those ideas pop into my head.  But no matter how much I try to not think about them still come across my mind from time to time.

Now like I said I’m not a doctor.  But does anyone else relate to this?  Is this just a part of bipolar disorder.  Do you other guys become obsessed with things?  Or could this really be OCD?